Kirstin Cronn-Mills

For v. With

Posted on July 16, 2012 by kirstincm

(I had a hard time coming up with an image for this post. I figured a stretchy, tangled ball of things that could hit you in the face might work.)

So I found these comments online about BEAUTIFUL MUSIC. Why did I look? I’m curious to know some early opinions:

1) “To be honest, I didn’t know this book was about a transgendered person. I saw it on Courtney Summers’s website and so I requested it without giving it much thought. I don’t know if I want to read it due to the whole misappropriation of voice issue, etc. ” –Reut

2) “Every so often, an opportunity comes along for me to review a book on NetGalley that I select because I’m not sure the author could really get it right. XXX was one of those books, and Kirstin Cronn-Mills’ Beautiful Music for Ugly Children was another. Both succeeded, despite my initial doubts.”–Cyndy

I expect these kinds of comments as BMUC makes its way into the world, and I think they’re important to think about–and address. Do I *have* to address them? a) No. The book should stand on its own (related to comment #2), and authors need to allow readers to have their opinions. b) Yes. People may want to disregard my book, given that I’m not a trans person (related to comment #1). I get that. So here goes.

(Side note: please see this blog post I did for YA Pride on the wonderful Malinda Lo’s web site. It’s similar to what I’ll say here, but it emphasizes privilege.)

In my opinion, both comments are a version of “She’s not allowed to speak for trans people,” which is a valid thing to say. However, as I see it, I am not speaking for female to male transsexuals or any other trans individuals. I am speaking with them. That may be semantics to some people, but it’s an important distinction to me.

How is it a with situation? I worked with trans people to make this book happen. I did a crap-ton of research about being transsexual–BMUC was as much a scholarly project as it was a fiction project. I earned the trust of many different trans individuals. I listened to people tell me stories about what it’s like to live in the wrong body and wrestle with a society that tells them they’re wrong, disgusting, and gross. I did (in my opinion) everything I could do to understand a tiny corner of what it means to be someone like Gabe–I stood with my new friends and supported them so I could stand with Gabe in the book. I am still supporting them, because they’re my friends now. Did I get it right enough to claim a with situation? I think I did OK. Are there issues and errors? Sure.

A character’s identity isn’t one-dimensional, so being a trans man isn’t all of Gabe. He’s also a music geek, a brother, a son, a radio DJ, a neighbor, a dude in love, and a high school senior trying to figure out what the frak he’s going to do in the fall. Being trans is a large slice of his identity. It’s always with him, and it colors his life in big and small ways, but it isn’t his whole identity.

Related to that, people may assume Gabe is a singular representative of the trans world, especially since there are so few characters like him in YA lit. To me, that’s one of the most detrimental mistakes a reader can make (my students make it all the time, so I talk about this a lot). The character only represents the character, not an entire culture. If the writer has done her work well, her character becomes a viable member of whatever culture her character is part of–Starfleet commanders, librarians, barbecue chefs, American Indians, whomever. However, her character cannot be the spokesperson for everyone in that group. Her character speaks for her/himself.

It’s treacherous for an author to write a character from a marginalized group when s/he isn’t a member of that group. There are *so* many issues, and I’ve struggled with them all along. But if a writer does her research, stays humble, is respectful, minds her privilege, and PAYS ATTENTION, it could turn out really well (it could turn out to be crap, too). And we **need** more diverse characters in YA novels. If writers outside the marginalized group want to write them, I think it’s OK, *if* they do the above things. OF COURSE we need to encourage authors from culturally diverse groups to write their own characters. OF COURSE. But should we wait to introduce diverse characters into our novels until these authors come along? What if the authors don’t step forward? **Edited to add: there are also issues with editors not picking up books from people of color. So sometimes the authors *are* there–they’re just not getting noticed and purchased.

It would be boring as hell if people were only allowed to write who they were. I would quit writing fiction and go back to writing poetry full time if all I was allowed to write were women like me. There is a huge joy in escaping our boundaries and diving into another person’s brain, and for curious me, it’s a great pleasure to explore other psyches. But, following the logic of not being able to write outside our group, I shouldn’t get to write YA because my character is 18 and I’m 43. (Side note: Ellen Hopkins is 57, and nobody’s questioning her.) I also shouldn’t get to write guy characters because I have a vagina. But hey–you don’t know that for sure. I’m also not letting you check.

Back to the quotations. The difference between them is this: the first person hasn’t read the book and is making judgments. She has every right not to read it–there are a mozillion books out there to read–but she’s dismissing it before she knows much. The second person read the book, then revised her judgment. I love that she read it before she made her final decisions about it. I love more that I met her challenge. I love that she might spread the news to others that I met her challenge. When I was signing ARCs at ALA, librarians’ eyes lit up when I said “It’s got a trans narrator,” That made me happier than I can tell you, because it means they know a kid or two who might find a friend in this book.

Gabe is just a guy trying to find his way. He happens to be a trans man, a music geek, and an Elvis Presley worshipper. If people believe I did the wrong thing by writing this book, I’m OK with that. Really. But I hope people will continue to talk with me about it–not at me, not around me, not for me–with me.

Posted in audience, BEAUTIFUL MUSIC, cultural competence, Elvis, emotions, equality, LBGT issues, readers | 4 Comments

Dear John Irving–I have questions

Posted on June 26, 2012 by kirstincm

Hi, Mr. Irving:

I need to ask you a few things about IN ONE PERSON, your latest novel. I’m only 40% done, and I know you are a superstar and I am not, but I have issues. I have a novel coming out in October with a transsexual narrator, so I think about this stuff a lot.

I will number my issues, just for clarity.

1) This last Saturday, you spoke to a room full of librarians (and me). The first words out of your mouth were “I guess they didn’t get the memo. I asked them to reserve the first three rows for the trans librarians.” The audience laughed a lot, in part because they don’t probably know much about being trans, so they might have been uncomfortable. But were you trying to be funny or serious? Your demeanor didn’t tell me, or I couldn’t see you well enough to know. I’m sure there are trans librarians, though they might not have been in the audience on Saturday morning. Were you really welcoming them, or were you mocking them? I realize I am not the keeper of trans humor, but in my opinion, it felt weird.

2) I am confused by the way you’re using the word transsexual in IN ONE PERSON. Your book talks about the incredible range of desires one person can have for many different kinds of people (which is truly awesome–we need more books with characters like Billy), but I don’t think transsexual is the right word.

I think you’ve confused sexual identity with gender identity. Miss Frost believes she’s a woman, as does Billy’s girlfriend . . . Denise? (I don’t remember, and I can’t look it up, because it’s an e-book! I hate that!). Anyway, that’s gender, how you see yourself. Sex is biological–genes and internal/external sex organs–and being transsexual is matching up one’s body with one’s gender identity. But you’re talking about sexual preference–who makes our heart go bumpbumpbumpbumpbump. That’s the core of the book. And for the record, Billy could desire Miss Frost even if he was a straight guy instead of a bi guy–she sees herself as a woman, and Billy sees her as a woman, too.

I think *your* concept of the word transsexual means “traversing the sexual spectrum.” However, in regular parlance, transsexual means “traversing biological sex,” as in taking hormones and surgically altering genitals and breasts and/or removing internal sex organs, as well as changing the Ms and Fs on drivers’ licenses and birth certificates.

Then again, maybe you’re just giving Billy words that would have been around in the 50s and 60s, and maybe his vocab is limited, as everyone’s was, by the perceived newness of these concepts. I don’t know. But isn’t Billy writing this memoir in present time, looking back? Maybe not.

3) Even if you’re giving Billy language he would have had in the mid-20th century, he uses the word “she-male”, and I hate it. I realize that characters can use offensive words to give us insight into themselves, but Billy doesn’t strike me as a guy who likes weird, exploitational, fetishist porn, and that’s what I think of when I hear “she-male.” I know you just want a word to refer to someone who has breasts but also a penis. But this word is grating and icky, in my opinion. And disrespectful. Billy is an articulate dude. He could have found another word, I think.

Is this a research issue? Am I being a stickler? You are an incredible writer, and you get to create whatever kind of world you want in your book. I also know I’m being picky. And maybe things will change as I keep reading (I hope so), but I REALLY don’t want people to get even more confusing information about people who are transsexual. These individuals have myriad sexual desires, as your characters do, and myriad sexual expressions, as your characters do. They also interact in myriad ways with the gender binary, as your characters do. But the word transsexual belongs to someone who changes their sex (though not their genes) with hormones and surgery. And the trans community (transgender, transsexual, cross-dressing, genderqueer and drag king/queen individuals) needs clear information to be out there. It cuts down on the nastiness directed at them.

Desire is one thing–a good thing, a crazy interesting confusing joyous thing, as it is for Billy–but gender identity and/or being transsexual isn’t the same as sexual preference. I wish you could have been more precise, even though it’s your right not to be.

Your friend in words,

Kirstin

Posted in books, characters, cultural competence, details, help me, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Outlaw Boots pair #13–Domenica Di Piazza

Posted on May 31, 2012 by kirstincm

Domenica's red suede Christian Louboutin shoes

FRIENDS! Are these shoes not AMAZING?? They belong to Domenica Di Piazza, an editor I’m working with on a nonfiction project, and a true wearer of Outlaw Boots (the fanciest ones to date). Domenica works at Lerner Publishing Group, based in the Twin Cities, and she is the editorial director of Twenty-First Century Books. When she approached me with the project, I was thrilled–it’s going to be great fun. But then I discovered what an outlaw she is–with the appropriate shoes–so I wanted to feature her in this series.

So you know: I have a thing for shoes like this, though I rarely admit it. When my feet were a size 7, all sorts of fancy shoe dreams danced through my head–but I was 8 at the time. : ( As a grown-up, I wear an 11 (loud sigh), so I gave those dreams up. But my passion has been re-ignited! Finding something gorgeous in my size could be like looking for a zebra in my basement, but who knows?

Here’s Domenica, reading in her office. If you want to know more about her lovely shoes, read this blog entry here. Otherwise, get ready to be introduced to a very thoughtful, very thorough outlaw who wears very fancy Outlaw Boots.

Domenica at Lerner, enjoying a book

–Who’s your most outlaw character (in any book)–why? After my mother’s death in 2002, I was invited by a friend and editorial colleague to write an essay for a gardening anthology called The Gardener’s Bedside Reader(Voyageur Press, 2008). I chose to write about my mother, who was, like me, a scattershot but passionate gardener. She was also a fearsome outlaw who broke all kinds of rules throughout her entire life, from marrying my Sicilian father in the 1950s (she came from a very white bread Protestant background), to coming out as a lesbian in the 1970s, to her final most complete act of transgression—her death by suicide. In the essay, I write about her choice to end her life in this way, and although it was an excruciatingly painful event for me to come to terms with, I have ended up respecting her decision as a choice of free will that completely fit with who she was, what she wanted, and what she stood for.

–Are you an outlaw too? How do you know? I am an outlaw in the sense that I am able to and do make choices and decisions that stay true to the core of who I am. This has meant asking for or insisting on things that are not always what other people want to grant or that make things uncomfortable for other people. For example, in high school, I bowed out of a model United Nations session in New York at a very awkward moment for the teacher who had organized our participation in the event. At the time, I felt I had made the decision out of personal weakness and disregard for a greater good. Now, in looking back, I feel that I made the choice out of the ability to recognize the fit was all wrong—an act I know view as one of strength and courage.

What kind of shoes does your outlaw wear (you or your character–maybe outlaw boots?)? I love high heels in the 3- to 5-inch range. In our culture, especially here in the Midwest, they are a dramatic, hard-to-miss statement of femininity and devotion to beauty and as such are a very assertive look. I like the way heels are above all else an aesthetic posture; not particularly practical but gorgeous.

–Pirate, ninja, nerd, other outlaw title for you/your character: Just call me Coco Chanel.

–Best thing about being an outlaw: The pleasure of being true to yourself and oh yes of standing out from the rest of the crowd. Have to admit there’s a bit of ego and vanity in all of this.

–Favorite outlaw/badass food: Depends on my mood and the season, but recently I had smoked pork belly with pickled apples and LOVED it. At that same meal, I also had cauliflower ice cream, which was AMAZING.

–Favorite outlaw/badass role model/why: When I was young, I loved romantic outlaws of literature who were done in by their transgressions. For example, I preferred the troubled, wild Catherine Earnshaw over seemingly quiet, dull Jane Eyre. As I’ve gotten older, I find I’m drawn to the literary outlaws who survive, since in many ways surviving is the toughest outlaw act of all in this thing called life. I’m reading the Karla trilogy by John le Carre these days, and I find dull old boring George Smiley to be an amazing outlaw role model. We first meet him more or less at the end of his reign with the British Secret Service, as a postwar character who is essentially outmoded and no longer welcome within the inner circles of the system—unless the system needs his brilliant mind, which it always does. He faces life and its betrayals with amazing steadfastness, calm, and an odd sort of integrity—even though he carries out his craft using all its awful tricks. I guess I’d say he’s a compromised outlaw, which seems very REAL to me.

Posted in Outlaw Boots | 4 Comments

Mind geography: doors and mirrors

Posted on April 13, 2012 by kirstincm

Characters have to live somewhere, of course, but the question is always where. When I first started working (cluelessly) on SKY, I gave Morgan my growing-up house, because 1) it was all I could think to do, since 2) my own high-school memories were contained in that setting, so it helped with becoming a teenager again. My guess is these comfortable geographies appear a lot in first novels because our characters need a setting we don’t have to work at. We’re too busy with other stuff–like dialogue, pace, voice, and the list goes on foreeeeever.

That house was sold last week. Before the new owners came in, I took a few pictures. Why? I thought I’d show you where Morgan lived. I apologize right now if there’s weird spacing.

Here’s the bathroom where nobody ever let me get ready (I had to do it in my room). Not Morgan–even though she’s a simple girl, there’s still prep, and she does it here, against all kinds of backlash.

(The back of my phone is the graphic for Dumbledore’s Army from the Order of the Phoenix film (HP nerds unite!)).

Here’s the window in Morgan’s bedroom. The real Tessa threw rocks at it to wake me up when she wanted to talk in the middle of the night.

Here’s the obnoxious orange shag carpet Morgan mentions–after my dad died and the house was professionally cleaned, that 40-year-old carpet was the best-looking thing in the house. Go figure.

Here’s the front door, and Morgan walked through it as often as possible. Doors are awesome for escaping teenagers–except, of course, when you have to come back.

Here’s the upstairs hallway (her door is the farthest away on the right). Doors everywhere. She opened some. She closed some. Some were slammed in her face.

I’m sad the house is gone, but I’m glad new people will love it and make it their own. It lives in my head, and in SKY, and as you can see, it’s full of doors, mirrors, windows, and light. And a little badass orange shag carpet.

Posted in adolescence, books, SKY, small world, there is no place like Nebraska, writing life | 1 Comment

How to do prom Over the Rainbow

Posted on March 23, 2012 by kirstincm

You’re going to be totally jealous when I tell you this, but I get to go to prom tonight!! (Oh, maybe not? I know the word “prom” coming from a “grown-up” may sound pretty silly, but hey.) I am going to dance with gentlemen in tuxes and dresses as well as ladies in tuxes and dresses. And I am going to love every second of it.

Our LGBT center at our local 4-year institution is holding a LGBTQA prom called Over The Rainbow. I’m not sure about your prom experiences, but mine were pretty basic. If my scanner was working, I’d show you the pink dresses I wore (I did have totally kickass pink satin pumps for my senior prom) and the badness of my high school hair. Instead, I’m going to show you my dress and shoes for tonight, which are 1000x better than those other prom get-ups.

This picture doesn’t do justice to the dress (and both pix are slightly blurry, sorry). It’s a combination of satin, stretch, and taffeta, and I LOVE IT. I wore it to an awards banquet, and even that felt like prom, because my dress was so cool. There’s even a tiny crinoline under the skirt! I have blue glitter toenail polish, too. Once I jazz up the makeup, I will be SO prom-ready. Are you jealous yet?

This is how prom is supposed to be: good food for munching, good tunes to dance to, and good people to hang out and dance with. The people you WANT to dance with. And that’s how Over the Rainbow will be. If a person is a prom-goer, a person deserves a safe space to have fun and look adorable and canoodle with their date. Haters, step off. Like way the fuck off.

Back to working on the toenails. Glitter polish is almost impossible to spread evenly. Then I’m going to go stare at my dress and shoes and dream about dancing with a beautiful woman in a tux, and a gorgeous man in ruffles. Ah, prom fantasies.

And if my husband comes along, I might dance with him, too.

EDITED TO ADD: I didn’t mean to be exclusionary by writing about ladies and gentlemen in tuxes and dresses. Some folks don’t do the gender binary. My hasty post should have included the fact that I’ll dance with anyone who asks me: man, woman, or someone who checks both boxes (or neither box).

This post does assume people will ask me to dance, and that could be a hasty generalization. If nobody does, then it will be just like my high school proms. : ( And then it will be fodder for a YA novel. : )

Posted in epic-ness, equality, family, haters, laughter, silliness, Sticking It To The Man | 2 Comments

My cover!

Posted on February 29, 2012 by kirstincm

Oh my heck, this book is really going to happen. I have a cover! Flux artists, your work is crazy amazing. You did it with SKY, and you’ve done it again with this one. THANK YOU.

October can’t come soon enough! Yaaaaaay!

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Outlaw Boots #12: Megan Crewe

Posted on February 24, 2012 by kirstincm

I laid out a few New Year’s resolutions for you way back at the end of December, but one of them I *didn’t* mention is reading outside my genre. I’m trying to ease my way into fantasy (though some of them are magic realism, to my English major’s brain), and I thought I’d start with Megan Crewe.

Megan is from Canada, which makes her an outlaw to begin with, way up there in all that cold, where regular people are too chicken to live. : \ But she writes wonderfully dystopian fantasy, and it’s stuff that feels like it could come true, which is the best kind (some doesn’t, in my opinion). I love books that makes me keep reading, even though I’m scared to death!

The Way We Fall released in January, and here’s a quick blurb from Goodreads: It starts with an itch you just can’t shake. Then comes a fever and a tickle in your throat. A few days later, you’ll be blabbing your secrets and chatting with strangers like they’re old friends. Three more, and the paranoid hallucinations kick in.

And then you’re dead.

Holy scamoly, yes indeedy! And through the eyes of a teenager? Double yes.

You can find her website here, and information about her first book, Give Up The Ghost, right here. And here’s Megan herself, and why she wears Outlaw Boots.

–Who’s your most outlaw character (in any book)–why?

Gav from THE WAY WE FALL–he doesn’t trust the authorities, so he takes care of the island his own way, which involves breaking some laws.

–Are you an outlaw too? How do you know?

I suppose so. I can follow the rules when I need to, but breaking them is almost always more fun.

–What kind of shoes does your outlaw wear (you or your
character–maybe outlaw boots?)?

I love my lace-up brown leather boots. [right up there at the top, friends!]

–Pirate, ninja, nerd, other outlaw title for you/your character:

I’d say Gav is an anti-establishment rebel, with a heart of gold. 😉

–Best thing about being an outlaw:

Getting to decide for myself what a “successful” life entails.

–Favorite outlaw/badass food:

Cinnamon hearts–sharp and spicy and just a little sweet.

–Favorite outlaw/badass role model/why:

Peggy from Mad Men. She’s managed to rise in a man’s world, and lives life on her own terms, regardless of society’s expectations.

Check Megan out, friends–she’s at the top of my reading list!

Posted in Outlaw Boots | Tagged Outlaw Boots | Leave a comment

Welcome to my new website!

Posted on February 20, 2012 by kirstincm

Hello, friends!

Welcome to my new website–new year, new book, new website, right? My old web site (which worked just fine for a while) was the DIY equivalent of a 70s dirt bike with a banana seat. This one is much more like my Trek fitness bike that patiently waits in my garage for spring weather.

To me, the site is fun–and a little bit funky, with its sideways navigation–and it has poetry on it (!). That’s a bit of a coming out for me, since I don’t mention it often, and I feel all rusty. : ( We’ll see what happens with that.

In any case–welcome!–look around. Enjoy. Watch this space for new stuff. And be ready for the return of OUTLAW BOOTS on Friday! This week’s guest–someone who writes books that aren’t contemporary realism! I’m branching out.

New author photo from the Kasota Prairie, north of Mankato. Love it there.

Site designed by Peter Johnson at Web Explorations with art by Scott Rahe, both Mankato peeps. Shop local!

Posted in blogs, words, writing community, writing life | Tagged blogs, welcome, words, writing community, writing life | 3 Comments

My 2012 writing resolutions

Posted on December 30, 2011 by kirstincm

Today is my birthday–yay for me! I love having a birthday so close to the end of the year, because I get double the new beginnings, and double the chance to make resolutions.

I’ve made a few for 2012, but several are too boring, strange, or gooshy to post on my blog. Since 2012 is the year of BEAUTIFUL MUSIC FOR UGLY CHILDREN, out in September (promo starting . . . now!), I thought I’d share the writing resolutions.

I tried on about sixteen, but I came up with two that seem possible.

Resolution #1: 329 days of NaNoBICMo
Many of you know that November is NaNoWriMo–National Novel Writing Month. Not possible for me. However, this November I decided I’d have my own event–National Novel Butt In Chair Month–I’d write or do something writing-related every day. And I did. FANTASTIC. When I let my writing career be a part of my daily life, it became something vital, instead of something I have to wait to do until everything else is done. People have called it a hobby and a time-waster, but it’s not. It’s my career, and it matters. And 329 days is 90% of a year, so I can have a couple days off.

Resolution #2: 365 days of trusting myself
Way back in my wayback days, I learned not to trust myself. Long story. Even now, as a grown-up, it’s a hard position to shake. Consequently, my internal writing dialogue often goes like this: why aren’t you writing characters that sell? Why aren’t you doing more social media? Why don’t you have a career like hers? Or his? What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you producing a novel a year? Why are you even writing? Dumb. Hurtful.

This year I resolve to trust myself to write the characters I love and the stories I love, and have a career I love that’s mine, not someone else’s. I will not worry about Twitter or Google+ or Goodreads, nor will I call my work pointless, even if every single other kidlit author in this state has a NYT bestseller. I also will not give up hyperbole, because I am good at it. : ) But seriously, have you checked out how much talent is in the Minnesota kidlit community? Amazing people here, and they could all accomplish it, all at the same time, even. And then I would cry. But I still resolve to trust myself.

Trusting = relaxing. Enjoying. Having fun. Those things can only be useful.

Please share your writing resolutions with me/us! I’d love to know them, so we can all support each other. Happy 2012, and peace and love to all. Yes, there are hippies in my family tree.

Beautiful cake photo swiped from here.

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Me and the Fail Whale

Posted on December 2, 2011 by kirstincm

In an online group I belong to, several writers are sharing their awesome fan mail–such sweet, kind, funny e-mails! It’s so fun to write for middle-schoolers/teens, because their comments to authors are hilarious and frank and perfect.

Confession: I haven’t gotten fan mail from teens. Just grown-ups, though the notes were fantastic, and since we’ve all been teenagers, it sort of counts, right?

Fail.

Then the Fail Whale came to mind. I’ve been thinking a lot about my books and my career, and feeling rather fail-ish as a whole. My books are about people our society would sometimes rather forget, which can be a problem if I want to make money, so I can teach less and write more. Should I try to write something more mainstream? I don’t know. Should I write paranormal romance? Don’t think I’m capable. Should I put my dream away?

The first illustration: it is me. I am dead on the shore.

Then I thought about what the actual Fail Whale is doing–he is FLYING. The Twitter birds (they’re tweets?) are carrying him, because he is temporarily inconvenienced and he’s too big. He is getting help from his friends! There will come a time when he is back in the ocean and swimming along. This is a *happy* picture instead of a failure.

Fail Whale says: shut up, quit thinking, and write. Let the good stuff carry you until you feel like you can swim again. Write the stories you want to tell. I’ll find a way to do less teaching and more writing. I know, I’ll become a swimsuit model! My middle-schooler will die of embarrassment, which is a bonus. Or I’ll figure out something more realistic.

The notes from grown-ups are still fan letters, aren’t they? People felt connected to my book, so they told me, and that’s what I wanted when I wrote it. Maybe the fan letters from teens are still in the mail–maybe the Fail Whale birds are bringing them. I’ll be hopeful.

(An aside: best comment ever about Twitter? When Stephen Colbert was asked if he’d used Twitter, his response was “I have Twatted.” Love you, Stephen Colbert.)

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment