I heart boobies but not assholes


Has anybody seen the “I heart boobies” bracelet that Zumiez sells? My child now has one, courtesy of a friend. He thinks it’s completely awesome, of course, because he’s just getting to the time in his life when boobies are ultra-interesting, but not for breast cancer awareness, if you get my drift.

So I said to him, as he’s talking about his bracelet and trying to annoy me, “Are you sure this is about cancer and not just loving boobies because they’re boobies? What about a bracelet that said ‘I heart balls’ or ‘I heart penises’? Could we do that for cancer research?”

Shocked silence. Then “Mom, nobody would wear those.”

“I can think of people who would.”

“No you can’t.”

Oh yes I can. And then I start laughing, because I’d bet I could sell a mixed case of those suckers in about twenty minutes, especially if I mentioned it on Facebook.

So here’s the next question: if these bracelets are to raise cash for cancer (I am *not* saying raising money for breast cancer is bad, even in a wink-wink, nudge-nudge way), where are the ones for anal/rectal cancer that say “I heart assholes”? Or “I heart cervixes”? My brother has brain cancer, so why not ones that say “I heart brains”? Problem is, brains, cervixes, and anuses aren’t sexy and cool–they are what they are, with not a lot of love attached–oh, unless you’re a zombie, and then you do heart brains because you’re hungry. But boobies–we can admit our sexy love for them and still call it fundraising. Is this good? I don’t know.

You can, however, buy a similar product as chewing gum, as the picture demonstrates. Now we just need to skew it towards cancer research. And yes, there is such a thing as penile cancer.

This is why I’m a word nerd–the power within them fascinates me. Now I’m off to find a manufacturer for my “I heart penises” bracelets. Wish me luck!

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4 Responses to I heart boobies but not assholes

  1. Tahereh says:

    LOOOOOL OMG Kristin this was hilarious!!

    heheheeee

    good luck with your new project ;D ;D

  2. Fantastic post! I also wonder about the way that sexuality is used to promote breast cancer awareness and research, like that "what color is your bra" meme on facebook a few months back. I can't decide if it's clever, degrading, or maybe exploitative. Or maybe all three.

  3. Anonymous says:

    there isn't a bracelet that represents the other forms of cancer because ,,, no one has made it yet? god get a life other than posting a whole book on your opinion . . " I <3 Boobies " bracelet is making a good contribution to breast cancer . quit whining cause they dont care of the other cancers . HAHA ! pwn'd . -WGbF-

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